


Sweet Sorrow

by KatiiPotatoe



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Humour, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Male/Male, Romance, Sebastian is an asshole, ciel is being kinda depressive, how many tags can i put, post after season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-08 18:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13463874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatiiPotatoe/pseuds/KatiiPotatoe
Summary: Sebastian is just happy the way he is.I mean,he is being the perfect butler and everyone knows that.Now comes the question:Is he still the same,after being in the service of the young immortal brat for over 15 years?





	1. Chapter 1

# Chapter 1

Same.Every single _fucking_ day it's the same.The only time he express something,is when some young women fall at his feet or when he finds some cats.He just hates being with me and hell yes,I know the reason.

The rain just stopped pouring,but the wind is still blowing strong.As the sounds of the broken branches continued,I just kept stamping my foot on the ground.There was nothing for me to do.Just letting the days pass by,trying to find something interesting.I tried watching people,I tried to notice their behaviour.Once,I wanted to see if I could swim,but of course,I failed.I wrote novels,I went to school for a few useless reasons.I even cooked,cleaned and went to some social noble meetings.And oh,how I hate them.

Now,I'm just smoking.Useless,but a new certain behaviour.I've got no reason to do it,yes,but it just calms me down.Now,I can watch people are just passing by from my mansion's window.It's in the middle of a not so small city.We move a lot,judging by the fact that I am nothing but dead.Going back,I still watch the people that keep passing by,even though it's night.They are talking,laughing,the most of them being couples.Why?Maybe because they are enjoying their life?

Enjoying the life. _Hah._

This is something that Sebastian forgot to do a long time ago.To be franc,I don't even know if he ever enjoyed it.And oh,even if he did,he certainly isn't now.He hates me.I think I actually repulse him.He may wonder every single day why I don't give him freedom.Well,I won't do that.Not sooner than he is expecting me to exactly.

_Why?_

Because i don't want to.I became quite attached and it's fair enough.He wasn't able to protect me when he should've done it.Now,it's right for him to suffer.

I entered the mansion once again,just to find my dear butler cleaning the dust.He don't even look at me.No matter what I do.I even put myself in danger more than one time.Of course,he saved me.The contract it's still here.

-Sebastian.

I miss calling him somehow.Sometimes,it's like we don't live together.He attends to my needs,when I have them.Our chats are always formal and there's nothing more.

-Yes,young master.Can i help you with something?

His voice is just too formal.Even for my taste.

-No.

He arched his eyebrow curiously and stopped cleaning to look at me.

-Then why did you call me?

-Just feel like it.

He didn't say anything more and continued his job while I went into the library.Romance novels are my new thing.This year,I encountered a few ladies.From what I learned,I was able to grow up just a few inches.Four,to be more precisely.That is just as tall as I can get and kind of helped me with some young ladies.The only annoying thing is that I can't even reach Sebastian's shoulders.He's as tall as a damn tree.

Tree.The last time we had a nice conversation was about 7 years ago.It was a nice day in the middle of spring and we just sat under a cherry blossom tree.I told him that I wanted to share more conversations with him,just like this.That was until a wrenched whore came and caught his attention.I couldn't bring myself to say anything so I just ordered him to do as he pleased.And he did.He left with her,spent the day God knows where,and he came as the night settled down.He didn't say a word,but he didn't had to.Due to my heightened senses,I knew. _He smelled like sex._

That night,for no reason,I cried.I cried myself to sleep.He didn't came.  
And no,that wasn't the only time.I became more sensitive,but I tried not to show him.Not when I gave him the liberty to spend the nights with women,not when he had a breakdown a few years ago.A few times he even tried to kill me due to the fact that he can't reach my soul anymore.Seemed fair enough.

I sigh as I open my book.And I sigh again when I read the romantic and the happy lives that the characters in the book are having.

So just like that,after a long time,I drifted into a deep sleep with a single thought.That I had to change something.


	2. Chapter 2

# Chapter 2

I opened my eyes slowly as the sun was coming in.To my surprise,I was still in the library.That jerk didn't even tried to take me to my room.I looked at my book and i realised that I haven't even turned the page.Letting out a sight,I got up and walked out of the room.

-Sebastian!I yelled and he showed up in less than a minute.

-Can I help you with something?He said in a bored tone with an expresionless face.Or do you just want to say _just_ my name like yesterday?he continued,smirking this time.

-Stop acting like a damn imbecile and prepare me a bath.You didn't even picked me up from the library.One hell of a butler my ass.

He gritted his teeth but said nothing and went to prepare my bath.When he came back,he just stayed there like a dog,waiting for me to say something.The silence was killing the already ruined mood,until he decided to open his mouth.

-Do you need any help with your bath,young master?Want me to wash you like the child that you clearly are?

I shoot him a glance,biting the inside of my cheek.How dare he to say that to his master?

-You hypocrite!How dare you to disrespect your master that way?What is your damn problem?

-I apologise in advance,master but you know that I can't lie.My problem is that I'm sick being tied to an imp like you.

I said nothing and just swallowed hard.Before he said something else,I went straight up to him and grabbed his tie pulling him closer.Our faces were now merely inches apart.

-Poor you.Well,I don't really care.You should've protected me when you had the chance.So bear with me,because I don't plan to let you go as long as our bargain is still here.I leaned closer and kissed his cheek,feeling his smooth face on my lips.Getting closer to his ear,I whispered as soft as I could in that moment.And that means an _eternity_ ,don't forget.

Before he said something,I let him go and went straight into the bathroom,trying to calm my fast beating heart and waiting for the reddness in my cheeks to fade.As I locked the door and walked into the bathtub,I just thought that...

_It was worth it._

I feel bad that i didn't see his face though.I know that things like these annoy him,not that I want to do that.Sometimes,he brings out the worst in me.Sometimes,he makes me want to beat him for staying with those whores.  
And sometimes he makes me want to cry again for not letting him go.  
But it's not my fault for feeling something.It may not be love,but it's something.Maybe attachement?Maybe the fear of being lonely?  
I relaxed myself into the water,bringing my feet closer to my chest.What could I possibly do to make him want to stay with me?I don't have a soul to offer and I'm not a woman.  
I let my thoughts get away from me,started thinking that he was already seeing some lady now.If he finished his worked,otherwise he is not allowed.  
After I washed my hair and my body,I got out of the bathtub.Maybe the idea of him washing me wasn't that bad,but I still have my pride.Just the thought of him mocking me for the rest of my life that I can't even wash myself after being by his side for so long is making me cringe.

Going to my room,I realised that,after all,I can do something.

-Sebastian.Come to my room after you're done with your duties.

Through our contract,I can call him whenever i feel like.At the end of the day,I win.  
I throw myself onto the bed thinking about things.About Elizabeth that should have gotten married by now.She must've been heartbroken when I left her that note,but I would've been happy in her place.She owns half of the company along with the servants.They must work for her now,if they aren't living by their own,that is.  
After some time,Sebastian showed up to my room and with a short bow,he looked straight into my eyes as I looked at him while laying on my stomach.

-Take a sit,I want to talk to you.

He did as he was told,waiting for me start.

-I know that you hate me.That you despise me-

-I didn't know it was that obvious;Sebastian smirked.

-Don't interrupt me and let me finish!I yell and he made a face that said to keep going.

-Apologises.Please,continue.

-What would you do,if I would offer you freedom?

He looked at me a bit shocked and responded nonchalant.

-I would leave as fast as I could.

I let out a sigh and bit my lip.

-Come here.Sit next to me.

-Is that an order?He asked,reluctant.

-No,it is a simply request.

-Then no.

I looked up confused,and my look encouraged him to continue.

-I don't want to.If that would've been an order,then yes,but otherwise,no.I'm not willing to come because I despise your existence.He explained,getting up.Is there anything I can help you with,my lord?

Bitting my lip,I lowered my head so he couldn't see my tears.

-Yes. _Get the fuck out_.

-Yes, _my lord_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!This is the second chapter.I hope you liked it!Please leave a comment down bellow,kudos if you want to and excuse me for there are some mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

# Chapter 3

That night I cried.I cried myself to sleep once again,letting him know this time.As always,he didn't care enough to come and check on me.As much as I wanted him to,well,he didn't.

And the saddest thing is that as long as I look at myself,I realise how miserable I am.And I pity myself.My character was once strong and prideful,but now I'm nothing but a person as weak as water.I became a pitiful,ruined mess.

The only funny thing is that I'll regret what I just did.I also know that I'll curse myself and that blasted name that I just whispered.That's just because he's able to hear _everything_  
*  
A few minutes passed and I already heard the footsteps approaching my room.The door cracked a bit as he entered the room.

-Can I help you with something,young master?Sebastian asked softly,like he did in those beautiful days years ago,as he entered the room.

At that moment I tried to find a good reason,but I found myself being quite mute.And just like the stupid person I am sometimes,I said the most idiotic and impertinent thing I was capable to think of.

-Make me some warm milk.I said,and he laughed.

-Such a child you are sometimes,really.

I felt my face reddening with embarassment for I lowered my head until i was under the warm sheets.  
Sebastian started gazing at me for some time,but he said nothing after and went to bring me my milk.When he came back,he approached the bed slowly,putting the milk on the night table next to my bed.

-Here you go,young master.I hope it is to your liking.Do you require anything else?

I bit my lip and swallowed hard,raising my head so I can could face him.

-Can you stay here with me,just for tonight?I asked reluctant,but to my surprise he came closer.

Sebastian let a long sigh escape his lips and growled lighlty.

-I have some plans for tonight,if it's alright with you.He said and I felt my eyes starting to tear up.

Breathing slowly,I got up from the bed,going closer to him.He didn't step back,facing me nonchalantly like I was some meaningless existence.Which in his eyes, _I fucking was._

-Can you stop being such a jerk and spend some time with me?I understand that you,again,despise me,but that's not a good reason to treat me this way!I've had enough of your pouting.I've had enough of your harsh treatment.We have to deal with each other for the rest of this eternity,so deal with it and try to soften up a little,will you?

My outburst shocked him a little,indeed.I yelled,because I think I have a breakdown.Everyday it's the same and I honestly think I'm going crazy.

-I understand your feelings.He started,smiling.Actually,I don't,because I'm not capable of,fortunately for me.You are holding my leash and I don't like that.So,I may be softer,if you'd care enough and let me go.

He put up a facade again.Like i'm going to fall for it.

-You know what?Go and fuck that cunt until you make her a black damn hole for all I care!I yell and he smirks.  
Sebastian said nothing and left.

*  
The next morning I woke up feeling exhausted.I felt like sick,betrayed,alone.Nothing could describe the pain in my chest,even I.Demons aren't supposed to feel.They are supposed to kill,to not care,to move on.

I got up,changed and went down.Sebastian was there,cleaning the silverware.I felt the need to hug him,to cuddle closer to his chest.None of these were possible,of course.

-Good morning,my lord.Can I help you with something?

And then something stroke me.Avoidance.That should be the answer for all my questions.Maybe if I just ignore him,I'll make him want to talk to me.  
So I did it.For once since I developed this loneliness,I didn't respond.I walked by,like he wasn't even there.

Serve him right,huh.

-Young master,are you quite alright?Sebastian asked,quite concerned.

_Concerned my ass._

Again,I didn't repond,and picked a book from the shell next to the window.He laughed and came closer to me,until he was inches away from my body.Leaning closer,I felt his hit breath hit the back of my neck.So I did the worst thing I could've done.I fucking slapped him.

_Well,fuck me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here's a new chapter!I know it's short,but I've got a cold and I can't find inspiration at the moment.Sorry if there are any mistakes, _'cause_ I know there are.I hope you liked it!**

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello!This is my first fanfiction,and i hope you liked it.As i said in my profile description,english is not my first language,so correct me if you see any mistakes.Please leave a comment and if you want,some kudos.Thanks for reading!**


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